The Impossibles and the Beanstalk
by Erin T. Aardvark
Summary: AU. The story of Jack and the Beanstalk with an Impossibles twist.


_AUTHOR'S NOTE: I love a challenge. This was originally for a contest I saw on DeviantArt from coopergal24. A Hanna-Barbera Fairy Tale contest. I decided to do the classic story of "Jack & the Beanstalk," but give it an Impossibles twist, plus my own little spin on things (I've added a princess who is the owner of the magic harp for this story). This is an Alternate Universe story, mostly because it's set in the past. This also uses elements from the Disney version, "Mickey & The Beanstalk." In any case, the Impossibles and Hokey Wolf (making a special guest appearance here) belong to Hanna-Barbera. The Impossibles' real names are my own creation, as they were never given on the original cartoon. Two of the female characters in this story are also "played" two of my OC's, Phyllis and Danalleah (both used primarily for my Impossibles fanfic). You'll figure out which is which, I'm sure._

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Once upon a time, there was a kingdom called Holy Mesopotamia. It was a beautiful, lush, green, and prosperous kingdom. On top of the tallest hill, overlooking the kingdom was a big castle, and inside the castle, there lived a princess. Every day, the princess would sit on her balcony, and play her magical harp. It was the harp's music that kept Holy Mesopotamia alive and beautiful.

But one day, something terrible happened. A mysterious shadow loomed over the castle, and when it was lifted, the princess and her magic harp were gone. Without the harp, Holy Mesopotamia began to wilt. Fields turned to dust. The river ran dry. The only people left in the kingdom were peasants.

On one of those farms lived three teenagers. Their names were Calvin Collins, Mark Mills, and Franky McAlister. Their farm could be declared a disaster area. The only possession they had of any value was a single cow. Weeks past since the drought began, and the boys had no money, and no food.

"Well, fellas, what are we going to do now?" Calvin asked.

"I say we go eat the cow," Franky suggested. "What good is she to us now, anyway?"

"She used to be a champion milker, you know," Mark pointed out.

"Yeah, man, but now she's an _udder_ failure!" Franky shouted. Calvin and Mark groaned at the bad pun.

"I have a better idea," Calvin said. "Tomorrow, we'll take the cow into town and sell her."

The boys agreed, and the next day, Calvin took the cow into town.

"Sorry we have to do this to you, Bessie," he said. "But I'm sure you don't want to end up as a hamburger, now do you?"

Bessie's response was just a simple moo. As Calvin was walking along, he happened to come across a wolf, walking on two legs, wearing a green bow tie and a purple hat.

"Good day, good day, friend," he said. "I am Hokey Wolf, businessman, livestock expert, and dairy man. I couldn't help but notice that fine bovine specimen you have there. How much would you be willing to sell her for?"

"I was thinking maybe fifty dollars or so," Calvin said. "I'd normally ask for a hundred, but this old brown cow just isn't what she used to be."

"Well, friend, I've got something for you worth more than all the money in the world," Hokey said, and he pulled out a small leather pouch. Inside the pouch were five beans.

"You know what these are, kid?" he asked.

"Beans," Calvin replied. "And just how are they worth more than all the money in the world?"

"I'm getting to that, I'm getting to that," Hokey said. "What you do is you take these beans, and you plant them in the ground. And when you plant them, you know what you get?"

"More beans?"

"Focus, kid. Focus. Stay with me on this. You get a beanstalk. A beanstalk that stretches all the way up to the sky! Think of the possibilities of tourism! People will come from far and wide, just to see the world's biggest beanstalk! You'll make millions, kid. Millions! So what do you say, do we have a deal?"

"Well . . . . . I'm not sure if this is such a good . . . . . ."

"Wonderful, wonderful! I knew you'd see it my way! Now, here are the beans, and I'll just take the cow off your hands. So long kid! I got to see a little old lady from Pasadena about a car she's thinking about selling."

And with that, Hokey walked off, taking the cow with him. Calvin just stood there with the five beans, and shrugged. Then, he started back to the farm house. Mark and Franky were waiting for him.

"Well?" Franky asked. "How much did we get for the cow?"

"Five beans," Calvin said. "I ran into this wolf, see, and I traded the cow for some magic beans."

"Magic beans?" Mark asked. Then he groaned. "Oh boy . . . . ."

"I guess P. T. Barnum was right," Franky said, taking the beans. "There really _is_ a sucker born every minute!"

"What do you mean?" Calvin asked.

"Trading a cow for some worthless beans?" Franky shouted. "Geez, they saw you coming a mile off!"

"Yeah, those beans are completely worthless," Mark said.

"But the wolf said they were magic beans," Calvin went on. "He said if you plant them overnight, they'll . . . . ."

"Forget it, Calvin!" Franky shouted, grabbing the beans from his friend, and tossing them out the window. "There's no such thing as magic beans!"

And that was all there was to that. It looked like the boys were back to where they started. But during the night, something strange happened. In the light of the full moon, those beans started to grow. It started out as just a tiny green sprout, and then it grew bigger and bigger, until it reached far up into the sky.

The next morning, Calvin, Mark, and Franky went outside and saw the gigantic beanstalk there.

"What in the name of Holy Mesopotamia is _that_?" Franky shouted, staring at the plant.

"That's what that wolf I ran into said would happen if we planted those beans," Calvin said. "Come on, fellas. We'd better get to work climbing this thing."

"How come?" Mark asked.

"If we don't, there'd be no story," Franky commented.

Mark couldn't argue with that point, so he followed his friends up the beanstalk. Once they reached the top, they found themselves in a strange land. Everything was huge! Even the bugs were bigger than they were!

"Where are we?" Mark asked.

Suddenly, pink and gold sparkles appeared before the boys. They morphed into a young woman with long blond hair wearing a sparkly pink dress. She had iridescent butterfly wings on her back and carried a wand with sparkles coming out of the tip.

"Who are you?" Mark asked.

"I'm a fairy," the woman asked. "What do I look like, a grasshopper? I'm glad to see you boys."

"You are?" Franky asked.

"Yes," the fairy said. "You see, you three were meant to climb this beanstalk. There's a large castle at the end of this path. It belongs to a wicked giant. Mark, this giant has stolen a large bag of gold from your family. And Calvin, he has stolen a hen that can lay golden eggs from your family."

"Wait a minute, how do you know our names?" Calvin asked.

"I'm a good fairy," the fairy said, shrugging. "It's my job. In any case, the giant has also stolen the princess of Holy Mesopotamia and her magic harp. You three must go to the giant's castle, take back what rightfully belongs to you, and rescue the princess."

"But how can we face a giant?" Calvin asked.

"Yeah, man, he'd squish us in no time flat!" Franky shouted. "And I do mean _flat_!"

"I've thought of that," the fairy said. "I have a little gift for the three of you to help you face that giant."

The fairy waved her wand over the teenage trio, and they were suddenly surrounded in magic dust. When the dust cleared, the boys found themselves wearing different clothes than they had been wearing before. Calvin was wearing a purple body suit, boots, and helmet, with a white letter C on the front. Mark had on a red and black body suit, red cape, and black and white boots. The red outline on the front of his outfit formed a letter M, and the white outline on his boots also formed M's. He was also holding a black shield with a white letter M on the front. Franky was wearing a full body green wetsuit, complete with green flippers and blue scuba goggles. There was a large, blue letter F on the front of his outfit.

But that wasn't all. The fairy waved her wand again, and Calvin found his legs had turned into a spring, and he was able to stretch his arms out, like they were springs as well. Mark found he was able to duplicate himself, and retract the duplicates. Franky found he was suddenly able to convert into liquid, and back to solid again. The boys were a bit stunned at their new abilities.

"What the . . . . . Mark said.

"This is im_poss_ible!" Calvin shouted.

"Uhhh . . . . what did you just do, lady?" Franky asked.

"I gave you each a super power," the fairy said. "From this day forward, you three will now be known as Coil Man, Multi Man, and Fluid Man. The Impossibles. Your old names will no longer be necessary. Now go get that giant, boys!"

And with that, the boys raced down the path and to the large castle. And it was bigger than the three of them had anticipated.

"You guys think we can do this?" Coil Man asked.

"Are you kidding?" Fluid Man said. "Sure we can do this! No sweat!"

"But how do we get in?" Multi Man asked.

"Easy!" Fluid Man shouted. "Watch this!"

And with that, Fluid Man went into a full liquid conversion, and went inside the castle through the tiny crack in the bottom of the door. Then, he converted back to solid, went into a partial conversion, flew up to the doorknob, unlocked the door, and opened it for his friends.

"Ta dah!" he shouted, going back down to the ground. "Come on! Let's check this place out!"

The boys walked down a hallway, looking around, until they wandered into the dining room. They looked up at the huge table, and their jaws nearly hit the floor.

"I must be dreaming," Multi Man said.

"If it is a dream," Coil Man said, "then I don't wanna wake up!"

"Da-da-da-da-da-da!" Fluid Man shouted, imitating a trumpet. "CHAAAAAARRRRRRRGE!"

The boys used their newfound powers to get themselves up to the table. Then they began pigging out.

"There's enough food here to feed Holy Mesopotamia for life!" Fluid Man shouted.

"And then some," Coil Man said.

"Hello?" a female voice called from a bird cage hanging from the ceiling. "Is someone down there?"

"What was that?" Multi Man asked.

"It came from that bird cage," Coil Man said. "Let's check it out."

The boys used their powers once more to propel themselves up to the bird cage. Inside, they found a teenage girl with shoulder length blond hair. She was wearing a long, lavender gown with short, puffy sleeves and a pale pink sash around the waist, and pink and lavender flowers in her hair.

"Wow!" Fluid Man shouted. "She's gotta be the grooviest chick I've ever seen in my life!"

"Focus, Fluey, focus," Coil Man said.

"Right, right, right," Fluey said. "Sorry, Coiley."

"Are you the princess of Holy Mesopotamia?" Multi asked.

"Yes," the girl said. "Who are you?"

"We're the Impossibles," Fluey said. "We'll get you out of this mess in no time flat!"

Well, Fluey just had to go and open his big, fat mouth. Before he and his friends could even begin to figure out the lock on the cage, the whole room began to shake, and it sounded like giant footsteps were coming.

"Uh oh," Coiley said.

"We'd better hide!" Multi shouted.

"Sit tight, princess," Fluey said. "We won't be able to help you much if we get caught ourselves!"

And with that, the boys used their powers to get themselves down from the cage, just as a big, ugly giant came into the room. He sat down at his table, took a cookie from a plate, and ate it. Then he took a salad bowl, and shoveled the salad into his mouth with his hands. Then, he grabbed an entire loaf of bread and shoved it in, followed by a turkey leg, a plate of spaghetti (which he also shoveled into his mouth with his hands), and an entire bowl of walnuts (shells and all).

"Eeeesh!" Fluey grimaced watching this lug eat. "This guy's table manners are the _pits_!"

Once the giant was finished eating, he grabbed a bag, and dropped it on the table. The giant then opened the bag, and began counting gold coins. When he was done with that, he put the coins back into the bag, and pulled out a fat, white hen and sat it on the table.

"LAY!" he yelled at the top of his voice.

"Loud much?" Fluey asked his friends, while cleaning out one ear.

"Buck-buck-buck-buc_kawwwwk!_" the hen clucked. Then, she laid a stack of solid gold eggs. The giant laughed, and began eating more off of his table.

Once the giant was satisfied with his meal, he took a key out of his pocket, unlocked the birdcage, and took the princess and her harp out, setting them on the table.

"PLAY!" he demanded. Immediately, the princess began playing her harp. And it suddenly gave Fluey an idea. He converted into liquid, and moved himself as close as he could to the princess.

"Pssst!" he said, still in his liquid form. He didn't want to convert back to solid just yet. "Don't turn around and don't say anything. Play something to put the giant to sleep, and then we'll make like a banana and split!"

The princess smiled, and began to play a lullaby on her harp. Within moments, the giant was sound asleep.

"Now's our chance," Multi said. "Let's go!"

Coiley, Multi, and Fluey quietly snuck over to where the princess was standing with her harp. Multi grabbed the bag of gold, and Coiley picked up the magic hen, but she began squawking like crazy. And, unfortunately, the chicken's squawking caused the giant to wake up.

"FEE, FI, FO FUM!" he yelled. "I SMELL THE BLOOD OF AN ENGLISHMAN!"

"Uh oh," Fluey said. "_Now_ we're in for it!"

"I'LL SMASH YOU!" the giant shouted.

"Run for it!" Coiley shouted.

The group immediately began running as fast as they could, but the giant followed them. They made it to the beanstalk, and immediately began climbing.

"Tell me again why we can't use these super powers of ours to get down this thing?" Fluey said.

"It's too high up," Multi said. "I think our powers might end up conking out halfway down, and then . . . . ."

"Yeah, I get it, I get it," Fluey said. "Ker-_SPLAT_!"

"Please, don't mention the word splat!" the princess shouted.

"Gallopin' Goliath!" Coiley shouted suddenly. "He's following us!"

"Hey, tall, dark, and gruesome!" Fluey yelled up to the giant. "Pick on somebody your own size!"

The giant let out a roar and continued climbing. The four teenagers had a pretty good head start, though, and they made it to the bottom of the beanstalk while the giant was still only halfway down.

"We've got to get rid of this thing!" Coiley shouted.

"I'll take care of it!" Multi yelled, and he grabbed an axe leaning against the farmhouse. Immediately, he began chopping as fast as he could, but the beanstalk was so thick, he tired out before he was even half done.

"I need a break," he groaned.

"But that awful giant will be here any minute!" the princess shouted.

"I'll take over!" Coiley shouted, grabbing the axe from Multi, and picked up where his red haired friend left off. Unfortunately, Coiley began to tire out as well.

"I can't go on," he said, breathlessly.

"Give it to me!" Fluey shouted. "A couple more whacks oughta do it!"

Fluey took the axe and began chopping away at the beanstalk, until he finally managed to cut through it. Then he, Multi, Coiley, and the princess took a few steps back, in the opposite direction the beanstalk was falling. And with it, came the giant.

"TIMBER!" Fluey shouted at the top of his voice, just as the giant came crashing down to the ground.

_CRASH!_

The only thing left of the giant was the fallen beanstalk, and a huge hole left in the ground where the giant had landed, never to be seen or heard from again.

"Whew!" Multi shouted, breathing a sigh of relief. "That was a close one!"

"What are we going to do about this hole?" Coiley asked. "We'll never be able to fill it up."

"We could always change the name of the town to _Hole_-y Mesopotamia," Fluey said. The others just groaned.

And so, the Impossibles returned the princess and her magic harp back to the castle, where she immediately began playing, and the harp's magical music restored Holy Mesopotamia to the bright and beautiful land it once was. Fluey and the princess were married, and Coiley and Multi were knighted as a reward for their heroic deed. And, as it is in all fairy tales, they all lived happily ever after.

The End


End file.
